Just be yourself they say. How can you be yourself when you don't know your true self yourself...

Before we get some grammar correction nerds here the repeating of "self" was deliberate there... I just felt like it. 😐

Anyways today we are gonna be driving into some deep thoughts I've been having for a while. Like literally, as I speak it's 3am. I can't sleep so you guys are gonna have to listen to me ramble on about some deep stuff. Just be aware that everything I say from this point is just my thoughts and opinion. Thumbnail Credit

Authenticity 💯

Authenticity, what does it mean? A few Google searches lead to:

Being true to your own personality, values, and spirit, regardless of the pressure that you're under to act otherwise. You're honest with yourself and with others, and you take responsibility for your mistakes. Your values, ideals, and actions align.

Now that we got the definition of authenticity cleared, would you say you're authentic? Are you true to yourself? Are you being yourself?

Most people would probably respond right away with:

"Obviously I'm myself" 🙄

I did too at first but now that question has stuck with me, in fact it's been hanging for half a year now. To me I am obviously myself (I am who I want to be) but is this "who I want to be" my true self? Or is it just a face... a face I put on so the people around accept me.

Faces 🎭

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You have a face! Yes you! I can almost assume it. You have a face that covers your true face, whether that is 1 face or 3 faces, you have a face that your real face hides behind. Like me you've probably been doing it for so long that you don't even notice anymore. Switching faces depending on the environment, switching faces depending on who you are interacting with. I've come to notice that I'm guilty of doing so myself, with MULTIPLE FACES; every day switching back and forward to the point it's developed itself an auto pilot. I'm not authentic, I'm not true to myself and I don't know which face is my true and original self. I think I've fooled myself into believing a false face my entire life.

If all or at least most of us have multiple faces, where did all these faces come from? A good question you may ask; I believe for most individuals it stems from childhood.

Early Life 🏰

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Our childhood experiences is what I believe has significantly shaped our authenticity as adults. When we were young, we were authentic, we were true to ourself but okay once again, where did all these faces come from... or should I say where did this fear or trauma come from. Moments where our thoughts or feelings were dismissed or criticized as a kid by other people I believe has a big play. A big play in causing us to retreat from being our true selves. Whether it's being shut down or not feeling understood, I belief these childhood experiences would instructed you to believe it's safer to hide your authentic selves rather than risk rejection or judgment by being open and true. Many scenarios can cause triggers in our childhoods.

Here's a great video from JulienHimself that explains everything I just mentioned but better than I ever could. I recommend you give it a little watch:

So it's these triggers in our childhood that compel us to wear these faces as shields. It's a survival mechanism we adopt, unknowingly hindering our authenticity in the process. We change who we are to adhere to acceptable social norms; once again in the process sacrificing our genuine selves. This makes the process of returning to our true selves even more difficult and that is where I currently lie. "How can you be yourself when you don't know your true self yourself..." This is gonna be difficult. 😔

...but hey at the end of the day I'm just a programmer sharing my thoughts in this little corner of the web; I have no expertise in this kind of study so don't take any of this for granted, once again just some thoughts I had to finally dump.

🧡 Thank you so much for reading my utterly unstructured ramble, I didn't think you would get this far. I hope this got you reevaluating stuff 😭 but anyways this is Jassim also known as Goldy over https 🔒, cyaaaa! 👋